If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
