You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize