like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
