It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
