What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
