we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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