Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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