Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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