I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
