Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
