I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
