You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
