Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
