My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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