i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
