I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
