You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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