Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
