He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize