Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize