he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
