moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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