nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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