She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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