It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
