The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
