***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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