He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
