the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
