moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
