Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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