Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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