This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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