I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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