Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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