it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
