textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
