I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
