If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
