She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
