So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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