Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
