My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize