That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
