dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize