woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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