bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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