tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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