It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
