i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
this must be what syphilis tastes like
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
