I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
