even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
