I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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