I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
