She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
