Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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