you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
