ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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