I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
