I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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