and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
