"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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