The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
