Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
