They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
