Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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