Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
